Oh poop. Everybody does it, except that one Joseon Dynasty-era Korean prince who, unlike Kim Jong Eun, really was born without a butt hole and died not too long thereafter. But for most people, pooping is something done on average once a day, without much pomp or circumstance. For some it comes at a certain time each day, sometimes after that first cigarette or coffee, for others, their bowels follow no set schedule. Regardless of the time frame of your poops, you just feel the urge, and depending on what you ate the previous night, you either acknowledge the feeling with equanimity and carry on with your other business for a bit longer, or make a mad dash for the nearest lavatory before it’s too late.
Actually, fresh yak poo doesn’t smell too bad either.
What’s missing?
Good ole’ TP right?
This toilet has not just run out of TP. In fact, you are meant to do your business, and when you’re ready to wipe, you use the small blue bucket to pour a small amount of water on your fingers, clean your nether-regions with moistened fingers, rinse fingers, and repeat until the area is sufficiently de-pooped so as not to leave skid marks on your undies.
Ewww, gross! Why is this a triumph of rationality, you may ask? And I have the answer.
A) Wiping with your hands is better for the environment. If you use your hands, you get to bypass the whole toilet paper manufacturing racket, save a bunch of paper (trees), lessen your impact on a place’s plumbing system, water filtering system, trash disposal system, etc. In the developing world, that last bit is doubly important, because if you use TP and flush it in the toilet, you are likely to clog up the plumbing. If you throw it in the trash can, someone is going to have to empty that trash can, and they will either empty it into a truck that will then dump it into a river, or burn it in the street with some other trash, and some small child will be playing with his toys around your shit fire.
B) Reason number two: It’s totally safe and hygienic. I assume you were going to wash your hands with soap even if you used toilet paper to wipe, so what’s the big deal? Truth be told, it’s not even that big of a deal if you don’t use soap (not that I recommend that), but as long as you lather up and sanitize those hands, like you should be doing anyway, you’re good to go.
If you can’t get over this, can’t bring yourself to touch your own bum and poo, even if you know that you can sanitize them quite easily immediately afterwards, and that you'd be doing right by the environment in the process, you’re being irrational.
I realize that in the West, the toilet infrastructure is not set up to make wiping with your hands feasible. There’s no butt sprayer or bucket in most toilet stalls, so you’re stuck with paper. But you can still do this at home pretty easily, and if you travel to the developing world, please don’t ruin their environment and increase their waste disposal burden with your poopy paper! Do as the romans do and use your hand! This goes especially double for excreting in the woods. When you run off behind that tree to do your business, take your water bottle and a tiny bar of travel soap with you, dig a small hole, poop in it, and use the water to wipe rather than carrying around TP. Then cover the poo or roll a rock over it. Wash your hand. Good to go, and the wind won’t later blow your sticky TP into some local person's face.
If you think I'm totally insane and the only westerner doing this, for more convincing, please refer to "How to Wipe Your Arse with Your Left Hand,” the seminal work on wiping your butt.
Side note* There is also a lot of evidence that defecating from the squatting position is better for your body. My anecdotal experience certainly confirms this, and if you're interesting in squatting at home in the West, you may want to try something like the SquattyPotty to see for yourself.
Above: Thank you to the internet for this image.
For most of us who are from the West, pooping involves sitting on a large bowl, usually made of porcelain, often with a flip-down lid that is sometimes covered in pink-colored synthetic sheepskin. Next steps are to drop the deuce, wipe with toilet paper, check the excrement briefly for any worrisome signs of ill-health, and then flush the whole shebang away into a labyrinth of pipes never to be heard from again. Basically what you see graphically represented at top-right.
In much of Asia, and the rest of the developing world, however, the situation is quite different. Instead of sitting on that cold, porcelain throne, to do one’s business, one must squat over a tiny porcelain bathtub with an over-sized drainage hole embedded in the floor. Sometimes porcelain is just too fancy and it’s concrete, or even just a gash hastily cut into the floor of a rickety wooden shack protruding out over a mountainside. Wanna flush that down? If you’re lucky, there is a flushing mechanism similar to that employed in a Western toilet; but often you have to bring a bucket of water into the stall (if there is a stall) with you, and when you’re done pinching off a loaf, you must heave that bucket’s contents into the squatty potty. Sometimes you just poop on top of everyone else’s poo, other times it’s a compost toilet, and you sprinkle sawdust over everything to help nature do it’s work.
Below: Peruse photos of some of the more unique places where I’ve unloaded the junk from my trunk.
Above: This homeowner stores his yak poop, used for cooking fuel, inside his squatty potty. You will be forgiven for thinking this must’ve smelled absolutely horrible. In fact, there is no smell at all. The yak poop is collected and then dried in the shape of cakes. After this they don’t smell at all, and make great briquettes for throwing on the fire. And this potty was a composting one, so “flushing” is done by heaving a bit of leaves and dirt you see above into the hole. Quite clean, no smell, more pleasant to poop in than many more “modern” toilets.
Actually, fresh yak poo doesn’t smell too bad either.
Then other little boys' rooms like the one you see above, are quite odiferous, infested with flies and other bugs, and really terrible to poop in. Why? This one has no composting or septic system. The builders just dug a big hole in the ground, built a toilet over it, and and called it a day. Prime breeding ground for all kinds of nastiness. Looks can be deceiving, and it really makes a difference what sort of “technology” the locals employ.
Above: A good example of "toilet built hanging over the side of a cliff/ravine." Your little buddies just roll down the hill into the small stream at the bottom! Awesome!
Now that you’ve seen all these pretty pictures, pay attention, and I’ll let you in on a little secret
Much of the world’s population (I'm gonna go with at least 50%) doesn’t use toilet paper to clean their arse. They use their HAND(s). Like, they totally touch their butts to wipe. And you know what? It is A TRIUMPH OF RATIONALITY (phrase coined by Mike at www.threeruleride.com) and I believe if everyone did likewise the world would be a better place.
Look at these photos: 
Good ole’ TP right?
This toilet has not just run out of TP. In fact, you are meant to do your business, and when you’re ready to wipe, you use the small blue bucket to pour a small amount of water on your fingers, clean your nether-regions with moistened fingers, rinse fingers, and repeat until the area is sufficiently de-pooped so as not to leave skid marks on your undies.
Ewww, gross! Why is this a triumph of rationality, you may ask? And I have the answer.
A) Wiping with your hands is better for the environment. If you use your hands, you get to bypass the whole toilet paper manufacturing racket, save a bunch of paper (trees), lessen your impact on a place’s plumbing system, water filtering system, trash disposal system, etc. In the developing world, that last bit is doubly important, because if you use TP and flush it in the toilet, you are likely to clog up the plumbing. If you throw it in the trash can, someone is going to have to empty that trash can, and they will either empty it into a truck that will then dump it into a river, or burn it in the street with some other trash, and some small child will be playing with his toys around your shit fire.
B) Reason number two: It’s totally safe and hygienic. I assume you were going to wash your hands with soap even if you used toilet paper to wipe, so what’s the big deal? Truth be told, it’s not even that big of a deal if you don’t use soap (not that I recommend that), but as long as you lather up and sanitize those hands, like you should be doing anyway, you’re good to go.
If you can’t get over this, can’t bring yourself to touch your own bum and poo, even if you know that you can sanitize them quite easily immediately afterwards, and that you'd be doing right by the environment in the process, you’re being irrational.
I realize that in the West, the toilet infrastructure is not set up to make wiping with your hands feasible. There’s no butt sprayer or bucket in most toilet stalls, so you’re stuck with paper. But you can still do this at home pretty easily, and if you travel to the developing world, please don’t ruin their environment and increase their waste disposal burden with your poopy paper! Do as the romans do and use your hand! This goes especially double for excreting in the woods. When you run off behind that tree to do your business, take your water bottle and a tiny bar of travel soap with you, dig a small hole, poop in it, and use the water to wipe rather than carrying around TP. Then cover the poo or roll a rock over it. Wash your hand. Good to go, and the wind won’t later blow your sticky TP into some local person's face.
If you think I'm totally insane and the only westerner doing this, for more convincing, please refer to "How to Wipe Your Arse with Your Left Hand,” the seminal work on wiping your butt.
Side note* There is also a lot of evidence that defecating from the squatting position is better for your body. My anecdotal experience certainly confirms this, and if you're interesting in squatting at home in the West, you may want to try something like the SquattyPotty to see for yourself.
